Exercise. Am I doing it wrong?

I've been going to the gym a lot lately because of this.

But also because of vanity.

The other day, after working out, I noticed something strange.

How other people look when they exercise:

Makeup in place.

Hair all coiffed.

Cute outfit on.

And then, there's me:

Cheeks flushed, hair is a mess, sweat running all over the place, and clothes that definitely do not pass for cute.

Sometimes, I wear my holey shirt to the gym.

Not holy. But, holey.

I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves to others but I couldn't help it.

I looked at the other women in the gym and I was in awe of how they do it.

But then, I noticed:

Perhaps I'm comparing myself to the wrong demographic.

In all other areas of my life I have to compete with men.

Why stop now?

Although, the sweat monster in me will win on all fronts, always.

It's a special gift I inherited from my dad.

[TBT] Things that remind me of my childhood

Continuing my nostalgic run of old blog posts for TBT, today I share with you a post from my "childhood."

Sunday, August 21, 2011
Things that remind me of my childhood

Racing my cart-sitting sister pell-mell down the aisles of Ikea + causing patrons to turn their heads at the ruckus.

Oh wait, that was yesterday.

Here sits the lazy-butt that is my sister.

The flip-flop wearing feet belong to my momz. I'm surprised she didn't yell at us when I barreled down the aisles with my sister. There was one little boy who was watching what we were doing (we're such good models of decorum for the younger generation) and tried to create a human blockade with his body. I brake-pedaled with my sneakered feet in time to miss him and slide across the floor and almost ram my sister into some Ikea products. Good times.

Patient Zero, Part II

I may have been wrong about the zombie apocalypse but I wasn't wrong about being patient zero.

I started a mini epidemic in my family.

After coming back from Florida, everyone who was on the road trip started getting sick.

Probably because I'm an inconsiderate person.

I was coughing and hacking in a tightly enclosed space.

With six other people around.

'Cause we were in a minivan.

I think my Aunt Kynthos was the only one who got away unscathed.

Then we came back and the roadtrippers mingled with other people in my family.

And, they started coughing, too.

I am the worst person ever.

I know.

To my contagion tree, mea culpa:

Somewhere in there, my cousin Jessica's girlfriend also got sick but I couldn't fit another person on my chart.

My illness is more powerful than my drawing capabilities.

In related news, everyone is all better but I'm still coughing.

Karma?

Maybe.

Deluded Mama

A conversation between my mom and me from this past Thursday evening:

Guess who's been doing all the cooking?

Not my mama.

[TBT] How to Pick Up a Girl, Tip #1

On my previous blog, I had a series of posts called "How to Pick Up a Girl" that was a way for me to vent about the puzzling and sometimes unbelievable habits that some guys in New York City had. Seeing as how a huge portion of my hits were on these posts, I'm guessing a lot of guys were googling for real tips and instead, got me. Sorry, guys.

I loved the series and am thinking about starting it up again on this blog so, for TBT, here's the first "tip" on how to get the girl of your dreams.

Monday, August 8, 2011
How to Pick Up a Girl, Tip #1

Insert your finger up your nose and pick it really hard while waiting for the train to arrive.

Beause you know, girls like guys who work hard.

So sexy.

How I Draw or Used to Draw

I'm excited.

I got something in the mail this week.

And it is going to make my life so much easier.

At least I hope so.

This post might bore some people.

You see, I've been asked enough times about what I use to draw that I thought I'd write a post about it.

So, if you're not interested, stop here and please come back another day.

I'll have an even more boring post for you to consume tomorrow.

Anyway, back to my excitement.

And, how I draw.

See this finger?

And this phone?

That's how I draw.

Utilizing the Sketchbook app.

It's a very sophisticated set-up.

But, it was painstakingly slow.

Now, I have this stylus:

To replace my finger in the process.

Which will make me faster. I think.

And more prolific. I think.

I initiated my stylus into the family with the drawings in this post.

Honestly, I miss the contact with the surface of my phone.

But I know it's just a matter of time (and practice) before I get used to it.

And, that's it! That's how I (used to) draw.

When I have enough dolla dolla bill y'all, I'll get more advanced accoutrements and draw like real people do.

I think my face mask is trying to tell me something

Remember when my mom came back from Taiwan and gave me a spatula?

My mom also brought back four boxes of face masks with her.

ALL FOR ME.

The other day, I decided to pamper myself and opened up one of the boxes for the first time.

It was an apple mask and promised to make my pores tighter, my face smoother, firmer.

I was excited.

So, after showering and washing my face, I tore open one of the packets and put the face mask on.

This is what happened:

My American face was too big for the Asian face mask.

If I pulled it down to try and fit it over my mouth, it covered my eyes, if I pulled it up to fit my eyes, it covered my mouth.

What are you trying to say, Face Mask?

Thanks for making me feel like I have a huge face.

It's not me, it's you.

I think this relationship is over.

[TBT] New House with Bad Drawings

If you guys read my last TBT post, you'd know that I used to have a blog called Monkey Whimsy. I was reading through some of my old posts today and laughed out loud because I'd forgotten that I used to draw with markers and paper, then scan the pictures in for my posts. Now, I have more advanced technology -- my index finger and my phone -- to aid me in my drawing adventures.

So, things have improved a bit.

Ha.

For Throwback Thursday today, here's another one of my favorite posts from the old blog.

---

Monday, June 13, 2011
New House with Bad Drawings

My family bought a new house:

Yes, it is green.

And in case you were wondering if it's my bad drawing skills making my house look this ugly, or if in reality, it really is this ugly, the answer is this:

It's even uglier.

The shingles are green, the door is green, the fence is green.

Everything
Is
Green.

You can't even see where the front door is for all the green.
I guess that is a good deterrent against robbers.

At least it's better than if everything were red:

Or purple:

Actually, the purple is growing on me.

The house is also not house-shaped:

I guess whoever built the house in the 1920s thought a triangular-shaped green house would look too much like a tree.

And confuse the birds.

We don't want this happening:

The neighbor's house is house-shaped though:

But it is not green.

It is brown but I don't have a brown marker.

My box of markers is deficient.

Use your imagination.

They've got green bushes though.

We do not have green bushes.

We have a green house:

---

This post also made me smile because I realized that my sister's comments on it were the very first ones I ever received on Monkey Whimsy:

At first glance, this comment might seem lovely.

But then you think about the word "actually" and you realize what my sister really meant was:
Janice, you're usually NOT funny and cute, but this post is, and it surprised me. Congratulations!

Thank you, Tiffany.

Thank you for making me realize -- four years later -- what you really think of my sense of humor and adorableness.

Haha.

I love you.

Stages of Sickness for Dumb People

A few weeks ago, I got really sick and probably should've gone to the doctor instead of googling all my symptoms to try and figure out what was ailing me, but I didn't, and instead, laid in bed hacking my lungs out, wondering if my cough was viral or bacterial or strep or the plague, or all of the above. You know, what normal lazy people do, right?

But, before I realized I was sick, I went through something that I'd like to call: Stages of Sickness for Dumb People. Does anyone else go through this when they get sick?


STAGE 1: DENIAL

Wake up with a sore throat.

Oh, my throat hurts but I'm not sneezing 

or coughing or congested.
It's just a sore throat, I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow.

STAGE 2: MISINTERPRETATION

The next day, wake up with a sore throat again.

Huh.

But, I'm not worse.

I'll DEFINITELY be better by tomorrow.

A little later in the day, I venture outside.

Why is this hot weather attacking me?
Why's it so hot?
The weatherman was so wrong.

And, after walking around in Manhattan for a bit:

I feel lightheaded and woozy.

I must be dehydrated or hungry.

Let me go get something to eat.

Oooh, everything is spinning.
Must drink more water.

STAGE 3: EPIPHANY

Getting home and crawling straight into bed.

Oops.
I'm not woozy from hunger or dehydration,
I'm dizzy from fever and chills.

My bad.

STAGE 4: ACCEPTANCE

Dammit, I'm sick. It's the summer, I can't be sick!
I'm not getting better by tomorrow, am I?

STAGE 5: EXAGGERATION

Two weeks later:

I have the plague.

It's taken over my body

and will infect everyone around me.

I am patient zero of the next zombie apocalypse.

Send heeeeeeeelp.

Or, I may have just watched one way too many zombie movies.

It took me a couple of days to figure out that I was sick and not just hungry or thirsty because in my mind, summers mean no colds or fevers or anything that has to do with being unwell. BECAUSE IT'S SUMMER. Summer's all about fun and play and happiness and the sun and all things good. Right? RIGHT? Who gets sick in the summer? Me. First time ever.

A BBQ + Black Sesame Butter Cookies

Today, we had a family BBQ at my auncle's (aunt + uncle's) house.

We also took the opportunity to belatedly celebrate my Uncle Geraldine's birthday, which had passed the week before.

But really, I think it was just an excuse to have ice cream cake.

Not that my uncle's birthday isn't something to celebrate, we had just never done it before.

When we were blowing out the candles on the cake, my uncle asked my aunt for a kiss.

This is what he got:

Aren't my Aunt Joe and Uncle Geraldine adorable?

I love my family.

I meant to take more pictures of the BBQ because my uncle is famous for his BBQ ribs (really, my auncles used to own a BBQ restaurant in Chelsea) but I forgot to bring my camera - story of my life! - so, no pictures.

What I did remember to bring though, was this:

When I found out we were gathering for a family party, I immediately ran to the nearest grocery store to buy ingredients so that I could experiment with some recipes I'd been working on. Rarely do I get the chance to foist test my culinary adventures on other people so when the chance presented itself, I grabbed it greedily.

I'd been working on a sesame cookie recipe for awhile and by awhile, I mean I'd made it once before, and though it tasted awesome -- which surprised me because who makes an edible cookie on the first try? I must be a culinary genius. -- it was a little too dense for my tastes.

This time around, I wanted to try lightening the dough by using a whole egg instead of just the yolk.

I was a little bit nervous about bringing an experimental batch of cookies to my family to taste because they're all restauranteers/chefs/foodie people so I knew they'd be a tough crowd to sell to. But, that means they're also the best crowd to use as my guinea pigs, right? Right.

As soon as I brought the cookies into the house, my cousin pounced on them, and ten minutes later, the cookies were almost gone.

A rousing, positive verdict I'd say.

Even my Uncle Wilhelmina, who is notoriously a "Just OK"-er, gave me two thumbs up.

Though he might've been drunk.

But I'll take it.

Black Sesame Butter Cookies
Makes 20 cookies

Ingredients

• 8 tablespoons salted butter, preferably European-style butter
• ¼ cup sugar
• 1 egg, beaten
• ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
• pinch of salt
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 tablespoons black sesame seeds

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350ºF and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper.
2. In a medium-sized bowl, cream butter and sugar.
3. Add in beaten egg and mix well.
4. Stir in vanilla and salt.
5. Pour in flour and combine.
6. Mix in black sesame seeds.
7. Using a small scoop, scoop dough onto cookie sheet and flatten with the back of a spoon.
8. Bake at 350ºF for 20 minutes.

Notes

• If you would like a denser, crumblier cookie, use only 1 egg yolk, discarding the egg white.
• I used Kerrygold Salted Butter (the gold wrapper).