That Time My Mom Asked to Borrow My Underwear

I really need to stop telling stories about my mom.

Or, at least ask her permission before I share stories about her on the world wide web.

Maybe?

Okay, here's another story about my mom.

Late one night, I hear a knock on my door:

Do you have any new underwear?

What? Why?

I forgot to do laundry today 

and I ran out of underwear.

Um, Mama, I don't think you want 

to borrow my underwear.

Why?

Because this is all I have.

Maybe you want to go commando?

Which way is the front and which is the back?

The string goes between your butt cheeks.

Like butt floss.

The next morning, we had this exchange:

How did the underwear go?

Was it uncomfortable?

I woke up early today to do laundry.

I don't think my mom will be asking to borrow* my underwear again anytime soon.


*Took, my mom took my brand new thong, but borrow sounds...much better?

Tim's Wallet and Onions

I was going through my Facebook memories the other day and found this gem by my cousin, Timothy.

He posted it as his FB status a couple of years ago and it's feeling very apropos of my life right now.

Tears of joy, that is.

So many Benjamins.

Ha.

I wish.

Mirepoix Soup with Avocados or Lazy Soup for Lazy Janice

Happy 2016, EVERYONE!

I am such a slacker.

You see, I had planned to post this soup recipe a long, long time ago.

In Fall of 2014.

Yep, 2014.

It's now 11 13 days into 2016 and while looking through my backlog of recipe drafts, some that I'd promised people five months ago I'd post (mea culpa, friends!), I thought maybe I should get my act together.

Usually, when the new year arrives, people have a fiery urge to get their butts in gear on the 1st.

I needed an extra 10 12 days to light my ass on fire.

(See? Still procrastinating.)

I'm posting this soup because it's my lazy soup.

And lazy is probably what I'll still be this year.

New year, old Janice.

Lazy before, lazy after.

Ha.

I sound like a New Year Scrooge.

Happy New Year!

Anyway.

This soup came about because one day, two summers ago, I had nothing left to eat in my house.

I opened up my fridge, saw the dredges of carrots, celery, and garlic, threw it all in a pot, boiled it, puréed it, added cream, and Voilà! Food.

And, it was good.

Boy, was it good.

Probably because I topped it with avocados.

Each spoonful was a creamy bite of avocado flavored with garlicky carrots and celery.

YUM-MY.

I've made it many more times since then and it's now my go-to soup for whenever I'm feeling lazy or don't want to slave over the stove.

Oh wait, that's all the time.

At least it's healthy!

I call this Mirepoix Soup but it isn't really. A true mirepoix is some combination of onions, carrots, and celery.

But, since this is my creation, I can call it anything I want, right?

Like: Arthur Soup.

Or: Plain Jane Soup.

Or: Mee-Ra Pwa Soop.

I think I like that last one best.

Mirepoix Soup with Avocados
Serves 4 (approximately)

Ingredients

• 1 bunch celery, chopped
• 2 large carrots, peeled and chopped
• 1 potato, peeled and chopped
• 5 garlic cloves, peeled
• 1 small knob ginger, peeled
• salt + pepper, to taste
• Water to cover
• ½-1 cup heavy cream, to taste
• 1-2 avocados, diced

Directions

1. Combine celery, carrots, potato, garlic, and ginger with some salt + pepper in a medium pot.
2. Cover with just enough water to top the vegetables.
3. Bring to a boil on high heat, then turn down to medium low; cook until tender.
4. Remove from heat and puree until smooth with an immersion blender (or a jar blender).
5. Return pot to stove and add ½ cup of heavy cream (or 1 cup if you'd like a thicker soup). 
6. Adjust levels of salt and pepper, if needed.
7. Heat through or until tiny bubbles form.
8. Ladle into bowls and top each serving with ½ a diced avocado.
9. Slurp a spoonful and groan in bliss.